Handling Visitors

How to handle visitors once your baby is born

Your due date is looming. Your hospital bag is packed, but the family are threatening to be visitors at the hospital as soon as your baby is born. This worries you, as you don’t know how birth is all going to go. You might need an emergency c-section or stitches. Maybe, you might have trouble breastfeeding. The thought of lots of people around and handling visitors while you and your baby are trying to figure things out scares you.

I had this worry, but I told the family that visitors were welcome once we were home. The truth is no one has a right to overrule you in this situation. Not even your husband or partner. You are the one giving birth.

All that said, it is best to have a plan in place. Make sure that you and your partner agree on this. Please ensure that your partner will hold your boundaries, even with his own family.

It can be overwhelming when all you want to do is relax and get to know your baby. If you must spend time in the hospital after birth, tell the team that you do not want visitors. They will not allow anyone in. Personally, I did not want visitors in the hospital. That was time for me to start recovering and to try and start figuring things out. I did not need other people overwhelming me and fussing over my baby. Some people may find that selfish, but guess what, it is your baby and your body. If anyone thinks it is selfish, then they are just acting entitled. You do not need those people around just after having a baby.

There are several things you can do to ensure that the first few days or weeks of visitors go as you would like.

Set Boundaries

It is a good idea to decide beforehand how many visitors you are comfortable with and make sure family and friends are aware of this. Maybe you might want to limit visitors to immediate family for the first few weeks, or a few close friends. This means letting visitors know that they are not allowed to just turn up if that is something that you do not want. Remember this is your recovery period. It is your and your partner’s time to bond with your baby; others will get their chance. Tell them you are in control of when your baby is handed around and they are to be returned when you ask. After all, if you are breastfeeding, you need to keep your baby close to help establish a successful journey and up your milk supply.

Communicate Your Wishes

Never be afraid to put your foot down. You can do it politely of course. Let people know they must ring before turning up. Tell them what time of day is better. Once they are there, don’t be afraid to ask them to leave. It doesn’t matter the reason. Explain that you will not be making cups of tea, they know where the kettle is. It amazes me how someone thinks they can come into your home after you have given birth and expect to just sit there with your baby while you cater to them. No. Not on your nelly.

Create a Plan

Sit with your partner and explain how you wish to handle visitors and you expect them to back you up. They may be the other parent, but they did not just give birth. Neither of you knows how you are going to feel after birth, and they need to get on board with how you want this time to go. They need to understand that things might change but you won’t know until baby is here.

Keep it Short

Unless your visitors are making dinner or helping to tidy up, then keep visits short. This will help to give you time to rest and bond with your baby. Young babies can be fussy and need your attention, you don’t need the stress of fighting for your baby back.

Don’t be afraid to say NO

If you are feeling overwhelmed or just need some time alone, it is perfectly ok to say no to visitors. If the people coming to visit truly care, they will understand and support your decision. 

Remember, the most important thing is to prioritise is your own needs and the needs of your baby. Taking care of yourself and your new family should be your top priority during this special time.

Some people may read this and think that I am just being selfish. I do not care. It is about time we realise that there are times when prioritising our own needs is important. The people that say this is selfish, need to step back and look at how they and others treat them.

People forget about the mother

Those first few days, weeks and months with a new baby are so precious. It is wonderful that all these people are excited about the new arrival, but it can get overwhelming. A lot of people forget what you as the mother have gone through. They fawn over your baby while neglecting you. Expecting you to make them feel welcome. We seem to have lost, as a society, the notion that it takes a community to raise a child. Including helping the mother. Why is she expected to just bounce back and do everything? It is a toxic mentality.

How can your guests help?

Food

Food is always a welcome gift to new parents. It means you don’t have to worry about preparing a meal or what meal you are going to have. Visitors could make a dish that can go in the freezer for a few days or maybe buy a takeaway. They could also liaise with other friends and family and organise a meal train, where someone brings something different so that you have food for a few weeks.

Chores

Oh the dreaded C word. These are the things you as new parents do not need to be thinking about. As a new mother, you should be able to sit on the sofa with your newborn and feed and bond. So, while handling visitors you could ask them to do the shopping, wash the dishes, do some washing, or tidy up. These things show how much they truly care for your well-being.

Babysit

Do you have other children? Maybe, visitors could take them out for a few hours, allowing you, as the parents, some space to decompress. Maybe you would like to take a bath or have a nap, they could offer to hold baby while you sleep so that you can feel a little alive again.

Gifts

Visitors could send you a gift. Maybe some chocolates or a bath bomb. Something to make you feel loved and appreciated at this hard time. They could maybe send some baby essentials, just so you do not have to worry if something runs out.

Respect

Remember having a baby is not an easy thing. So, visitors need to respect your boundaries and check up on you to see what you need or whether you would like visitors. They can not expect you to be handling visitors with respect if they themselves do not respect your wishes.

Think

When handling visitors, check whether they are ill. Make sure that you tell your visitors they are not to come to your house if they are ill, no matter how small.

Conclusion

Don’t feel bad for having boundaries while handling visitors. Those who love you will respect your wishes. It can be hard to hold boundaries, you don’t want to cause a fuss or upset someone. Again, why would they be upset that you are protecting your mental well-being at this precious time?