Fourth Trimester

What to expect in the fourth trimester

Congratulations, your baby is here. However, you have probably spent most of your pregnancy listening to ‘advice’ from other people. You may have even heard how your baby “should” only feed every 3 hours or “should” be doing x,y,z. This is rubbish, and the fourth trimester is different for everyone, as all babies are different.

Your baby is an individual and they should be doing their own thing. There is no one box fits all, and the idea that all babies are the same can be really damaging when pushed on to new parents. You start to wonder what you are doing wrong if your baby is not following these arbitrary rules. I can assure you, you are doing nothing wrong, by responding to your child and following your mothering instinct.

Fourth trimester

The fourth trimester refers to the first three months of a baby’s life outside of the womb. During this time, your baby undergoes significant physical, emotional, and cognitive development. The fourth trimester is a critical period for both you and your baby. It is an adjustment period for both of you. While you are pregnant your baby is in a protected and controlled environment, they are safe and content. They can feel your heartbeat and hear your voice all the time. Then bam, they are pushed out into the big wide world. Their safety and comfort were dramatically disrupted. Your baby now has to breathe on their own, learn to regulate their own body temperature, eat through their mouth and worse of all not be attached to you all of the time.

Baby’s Development

As said above your baby is constantly developing. During those first few months, your baby’s eyes and ears are still developing, meaning that what they can hear and see is always changing. Their preference for certain sights and sounds will also change. Interestingly your baby knows you. They know the sound of your voice and the smell of your milk. They know you are their person, their mother.

It is important for us as parents to know what normal newborn behaviour looks like. This way we can respond to our child in a respectful and nurturing manner. It can be hard, but it is important. It is important to support our children’s development, by having age-appropriate expectations and easing them into this strange new world. That way we can rest easy knowing that responding to our babies is the right thing to do.

Crying

During those first few weeks, your baby is still adjusting to life outside the womb. It is important to remember that many of the things that newborn babies do are considered normal and part of their development. One of these things is crying. Crying is a natural way for baby to communicate their needs, and it is not unusual for your baby to cry quite often. There are many reasons why your baby might cry. They might be hungry, thirsty, wet, uncomfortable, or simply just need to be near you. To hear your heartbeat. Responding to a crying baby by picking them up, holding them, and comforting them can help both your baby and you feel more secure.

If you feel that there is something wrong and that your baby is crying more and more, then seek professional help.

Sleep

Your baby will also sleep a lot during the fourth trimester, and this is important for your baby’s development. It might not feel like they are sleeping a lot because of how often they might wake up for feeds, but they are. This can be hard for you as a parent. Especially when your baby is waking often at night and you do not share the same sleep cycles. It is important to understand that your baby is always waking for a reason and needs you to respond.

Some parents hate it when they are told to take advantage of baby napping in the day and nap as well, especially when they have other children; but if you have no other children then NAP. Just nap. Forget the housework or anything else. Your mental health is important. You’re caring for and keeping this tiny human alive, that is enough of a job in itself.

Feeding

Feeding is also a significant part of your baby’s development. Breastfeeding is the recommended way to feed your newborn, and it is vital for both the baby’s nutritional and emotional needs. See my post on breastfeeding here. Breast milk contains all the essential nutrients that your baby needs and it also helps build their immune system. In addition, the bonding that occurs between you and your child during breastfeeding is an essential part of your baby’s emotional development. Your new baby will root for the breast often, and if you stroke their cheek they will turn as if to feed.

Never feel pressured or guilty about how you chose to feed your baby. Just ensure that you have done your research and are fully informed. Sometimes breastfeeding doesn’t work out, and sometimes women choose not to do it.

Rant

I am going to rant a little. It annoys me that our society has such an obsession with feeding a new baby. It is just bizarre to me. Mother nature created the female form to carry and feed a baby. End of. Aunt Bessie and Grandma do NOT need to feed your baby, neither does the other parent. This is not selfish. There are plenty of other ways for people to bond with your baby.

On that note, let us get into it. There are many ways that you can support your new baby to transition into this big and strange world.

Bonding with Baby: For All

Skin to skin

Skin-to-skin is so important. It helps you bond with your baby both emotionally and physically. It also helps support them in regulating their heart rate and temperature. It can help greatly with the transition from the womb to the outside world.

Sling

A sling is a wonderful way to not only be hands-free with a newborn but to also help soothe them. They are held close to your chest and can hear your heartbeat and smell you. This helps them to feel safe and secure.

Rocking

This can help recreate the sensation of being in the womb. Gently rocking combined with skin-to-skin can help to bond with and settle your baby. It can also be good for the person doing the rocking.

Touch

Gentle touch such as stroking or massaging can help promote relaxation, sleep and digestion. Touch is so important to help a baby feel safe and secure. Stroke their nose and cheeks, or perform a gentle abdominal massage to help with digestion. Massage can also help your baby feel relaxed before bed.

Sound

Talking or singing to your baby can help comfort them and help them feel safe and secure. While also helping with language and cognitive development. Sing a soft lullaby while rocking your baby in your arms.

I found that singing to my son while I was feeding him to sleep, helped in the long run when I was weaning from the boob. This is because he associated sleep with not only boob but being close to me and my singing.

Bathing

Bathing is a great way to bond with your baby. Jumping in a bath of warm water and snuggling together. You can hold them out in front of you and watch them explore the water.

Dressing

Dressing or changing your baby is another way you or someone else can bond with your baby. They can talk to your baby about what they are doing, which also helps with language and cognitive development.

Eye contact

Looking and smiling at the new baby helps grow a bond. Baby will start to recognise you.

Skin to skin

Your partner or your parents or even close friends can bond with your baby in this way. There is nothing wrong with being close to your baby and helping them feel safe.

Anything, where someone is focused on your baby in a positive way, is a great way to bond.

The fourth trimester for the mother

You have just had a baby, your body has gone through a lot. Whether you birthed vaginally or through a C-section, it’s still undergoing changes even after your baby is born. As your body slowly returns to the prebaby state, your hormones will fluctuate, your uterus will continue to contract, and your postpartum bleeding gradually subside. However, it can take weeks or months to feel “normal” again.

One thing no one really tells you about motherhood is that it can take ages for you to feel yourself again. Ages for you to feel like your body is your own, and to feel like an individual, you, again.

Emotionally there is also a lot going on. You will experience a range of emotions from euphoria to exhaustion, as you adapt to motherhood. All the demands of a new mother such as sleep deprivation, healing and breastfeeding can contribute to the physical and emotional challenges.

Navigating this phase requires support, rest, and self-care as you begin to establish a rhythm with your baby and embrace the transformative journey of motherhood.

Conclusion

The fourth trimester can be a trying time for a new mother. Having to navigate the sea of opinions and politely nod, knowing full well she will be ignoring it. Wouldn’t it be nice if people just supported your choices as a new mother and offered their help without shame or “advice”?

For more information see the NCT website.

The fourth trimester can be hard, please get support if you need it. This does not make you weak, it makes you strong. You have noticed that you need help and are willing to do what needs to be done to ensure you can be responsive to your child, and strengthen yourself.